Since my last entry, I have faced life changing events in my life which has completely changed the normalcy that I am used to. Ever since my mother passed on, life has been different, filled with new experiences and challenges. The first event was of course my 30th birthday. Who would of thought that a particular day that changes the number of your age from being in your twenties to your thirties to be such an emotional day. I was ecstatic of course...I mean who does not like birthdays...presents and wishes are one of the nicest things you can receive from people that you care about (Monster and Pinklady - thanks for a memorable night - let's grow old together)...this is especially sweet when you're a teacher and your students sang outloud in class, called all the way from New Zealand and Australia, presents that you know people took effort in giving (my Totoro tissue cover, Jen's purple creation etc)...it's a beautiful feeling. Yet there is a tinge of sadness because I can't share it with my late mother.
Since I am on the topic of my mother I shall proceed to talk about my next life altering event...my father's pending marriage. Today was the 'merisik' and engagement of my future stepmother to my father. Who would've thought that I'd be putting the ring on the finger of a lady that will replace the place of my mother in our lives. Don't get me wrong...my siblings and I are supportive towards my father's second marriage...he needs companionship...we just feel that it really closes the chapter of my mother's life (there's a sense of finality to it). I use the word 'we' because we are collectively in agreement about it. I have met my future stepmother whom I will address as Mama Intan and alhamdulillah she is a nice and friendly lady...my siblings and I hope that our relationship will continue to grow in a positive way. My father's wedding date will be on November 4th, 2006 almost a year and four months after my mother's death. I am truly blessed as my mother in her wisdom saw the need to clarify to me during the days of her illness of the possibility of my father remarrying after she passed on. She reminded me, "When mama is gone, my life chapter in this world is complete, I don't want you to mourn me but rather I would prefer you to pray for me. You and your brothers are not to create trouble if your father wants to remarry as it is his right and need to do so. Your father has been here for me through thick and thin, he will need support once I am gone and later on he will need companionship that you will not be able to provide. Support him and be there for him as he has been there for you and your brothers." Those few simple words kept my head sane during the process of my father finding a new wife and it also provided a sense of peace as she had given us the green light (I did not want to feel as if I betrayed her in some way so her words absolved me from the guilt).
I also have to give credit to my father who has never kept anything from me or my siblings. In whatever decisions he made he always discussed it with us. So we never felt left out or hurt. I will always be thankful to God for giving me my parents. I hope my mother's soul is blessed by Allah and I hope that my father's second marriage is also blessed by Allah as our happiness is dependent on His blessings. Now I am hoping that my life will also be blessed...soon...;-)! Till next time...adios!
The warm embrace that no one knows
2 days ago