Thursday, April 29, 2010

Soul mate...

TV freak...that's what I a week ago I watched 'Sex in the City' for the gazillionth time. It came to one scene where the four ladies were talking about soul mates...or lacking of soul mates. And I liked Charlotte's response to Carrie's sadness in not having a soul mate:

Carrie: No, I know I have you guys. I hate myself a little for saying this but… it felt really sad not to have a man in my life who cares about me. No special guy to wish me happy birthday. No goddamn soul mate… and I don’t even know if I believe in soul mates.

Charlotte: Don’t laugh at me but maybe we could be each others' soul mates. And then we could let men be just these great nice guys to have fun with.

Samantha: Wow, that sounds like a plan.

Carrie: I’m thirty-five, thirty-five is not twenty-five.

Miranda: Thank, god!

Samantha: Oh, Shut the fuck up, I’m a hundred and forty.

It amazes me how it reflects my real life. The conversations that I have with my girlfriends are always about finding the right man. But what if that particular moment has passed? And when I say that, people think that I've given up. The thing is, it's not about giving's just that I go through my daily life as it is. I don't really search because I don't know what to search for. I mean, I've got ideals but at the same time I know that ideals don't exist. People are people and wanting to change them to be your ideal is not going to work. People don't change. I'm also surrounded by people who can't seem to help themselves to wish for my wedded bliss. I thank you for caring. I have friends who are happily married and I also have friends who are seriously sinking into a deep hole even with a man in their lives. So will I get married...I don't know. Do I wish it? At times I do but at times I don't. But do you know what I really want...a baby. ^_^ That's for another entry.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ms. Audrey...

I'm going to write about something that is sensitive. Sensitive in a lot of ways. A friend wants me to write about it and in honest truth it's not a subject that I'm comfortable with. This issue is a growing issue. Me, being a lecturer, I see it happening all the time. Before this my attitude has been I'm okay with it because everyone has the right to make their own choices even though they are wrong. Then it happened to a person I know. So for those who are reading...what could this issue be? Well, let me tell you: lesbianism and homosexuality. I've always had friends and students who are in the category of being apart from society. I say this not a demeaning way but let's face's not an easy concept to acknowledge. Why? Well for me it's pretty simple: religion states clearly that homosexuality or lesbianism is not something accepted. It's not a gray area...which is why this is not a comfortable issue to talk about.

Let me tell you about this friend: let me address her as Audrey. Why? She's a fanatic when it comes to Ms. Audrey Hepburn. She obviously a Malay woman thus making her a Muslism. We have been friends for quite sometime. I remember not meeting her but a conversation I had with her. This is what I asked her: "Would you be by any chance a lesbian?" Those who know me, know that I can be quite direct which I truly believe is much better than if I gossiped about her. She was a bit taken aback but she still replied. Her reply was: no she was not. So I let that go as I believe she was telling me the truth. I easily trust people and I also believe that she had nothing to hide from me. As time progressed, we got to know each other more as we both enjoyed each others' company. Then one day she dropped a bombshell: she was technically seeing an ex-student of hers. Why did I use the word 'technically'? Well, this young lady (really young - cradle snatcher young) is living in the UK. So they have been communicating with each other through FB, Skype and whatever else that's online. And their communication has gotten intimate and she had also started to care about this young girl. I was surprised but not too surprised as that was the original vibe I got. I honestly told her that I wished that it was a young boy as opposed to a young girl. I mean, I'm not a saint, never claimed to be one but at the same time there are lines that I don't cross. So I told her what I felt which is: I don't fudging agree. But at the same time I did tell her that she's an adult therefore she should make a choice about what needs to be done. Don't we all agree that a thousand people can give you advice but you might not necessarily take it. I had a feeling she was going to get burned. I mean, cynical me knows this: she's young, my friend is a Muslim...put that together it's going to crash and burn. I got to know this young lady online and we chatted. She talked about her fears and I was placed in an awkward position. Deep down, I wanted to tell her to end it which I know my friend would probably no longer be a friend now. So I let it go and told her to wait and see my friend in person then decide. So she did come back. Spent some time with my friend and true enough...towards the end...she ended it. This left my friend with a broken-heart. She is still suffering and I do feel for her but at the same time I'm relieved that it is over. It sounds evil I know but a broken heart is always better than sinning. At the end of the day, religion is my major concern because at the same time I'm looking at my life and realized that I have a lot to work towards. I need to get closer to Allah. I've always taken religion for granted as I always believe that I've got time. But do I? Do I have the time? But let's not go there...that's another blog entry. So Audrey: it hurts now and honestly I understand but believe this: at the end of a dark tunnel there is light. Lame...I know but seriously there is light. So be strong and open your heart again to the opposite sex. I mean there are not many left...seriously...but never know.

On the authority of Anas, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah say:

Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”